Vaginal Birth
Tips + Secrets for Healing Your Secret Parts
I always wondered why laboring women were totally naked in birth videos—not even wearing a top? Wtf?
I was about to find out…
My First Birth Adventure:
My water broke during rush hour in the middle of Astor Place. I already knew every birth story is different—there are expected and unexpected circumstances that surround them all, and my first experience made that crystal clear.
After grabbing a cab from someone else, yelling that my water had just broken and her yelling back, “Oh…well, yes—you take it then,” I proceeded to drive home to Brooklyn, going in the opposite direction of my hospital. I often get a sideways look from people when I get to that part of the story, but I couldn’t think of anywhere else to be except in my shower, alone, safe and…out of my clothes!
After grabbing a cab from someone else, yelling that my water had just broken and her yelling back, “Oh…well, yes—you take it then,” I proceeded to drive home to Brooklyn, going in the opposite direction of my hospital. I often get a sideways look from people when I get to that part of the story, but I couldn’t think of anywhere else to be except in my shower, alone, safe and…out of my clothes!
I was as prepared as I could be. My husband and I had taken the birth class, painted the nursery, and even hung the mobile above the crib in anticipation of meeting our baby. However, at that moment, none of the preparation mattered.
Little known fact: Your water doesn’t just break once and stop. It continues to flow out of you…a lot of it…for a while. Coupled over with increasingly blinding contractions, picking our way through NYC traffic at 6PM, I proceeded to flood the cab driver’s backseat with my amniotic fluid.
I left him the biggest tip of my life as I muttered ‘I’m so sorry’ and sprinted up the stairs to our apartment, undressing the entire way. By the time I was in the shower, my contractions were so intense, they were dropping me to my knees. My husband at that moment was in East Hampton—at least 3 hours away. I wasn’t due for 15 more days, so I had told him I’d be fine and to go that morning. Now, he was desperately trying to get back to the city while I was in the shower with contractions 4 minutes apart.
Hollywood-worthy, yes. Unique and personal? 100%.
The ending was sweet—he made it for the birth of our daughter. My friends stayed at the hospital until my husband arrived, and 12 hours later, I delivered my daughter vaginally.
The first moment I even considered the resulting state of my vagina was when the nurse was walking me to the bathroom for the first time and helping me with an ice pack when she proclaimed, “Wow, you are swollen!” I didn’t understand what was so swollen, and then I tried to sit down.
For two days, I had to sit on a soft pillow because a chair was too intense on my pelvic floor. Nothing prepared me for the healing that was needed after a vaginal delivery. Then came the constant “do your kegels” advice,’ which I had NO IDEA how to do. Squeeze what? Where?
Since this fateful entry into motherhood 13 years ago, I have not only pioneered my own pelvic floor and vaginal recovery, but I’ve helped countless women do the same.
MYTH DISRUPTORS: During & After Birth
What you need to know and how and when to do your kegels (or not!):
TRUTH ABOUT TEARING Your vaginal wall is very resilient and you are not ‘giving birth wrong’ if you tear or not - genes, muscle tone and frankly the angle and speed at which your baby exits your body have the biggest impact on your chances and honestly, not a lot of that is adjustable in those last few moments of pushing your baby out. These tools will help your pelvic floor remain functional and able to stretch and rebound best (so as to make birth easier and decrease your chances of tearing): Definitely staying active, fascia rolling, hip and pelvic floor opening exercise, and core strengthening throughout pregnancy will support your ability to engage actively in the birthing process. The result? Improved pelvic floor muscles and ability to sustain birth and recover well.
THE WHOLE PELVIC FLOOR There is a difference between the distention and stretching of the vagina itself and the distention and injury sustained by your pelvic floor. Your pelvic floor and rectum receive the full brunt of vaginal childbirth and it can be difficult in the first couple of weeks post-birth to discern the full landscape of needed recovery between vagina and posterior stretching and weakness.
ICE, WITCH HAZEL & THE SOFT, FOAM ROLLER In your early days post-birth ice and witch hazel pads are your BFFs to help the swelling go down. Eventually you’ll want to focus on your upper torso. Your ribs and back are important, making sure there’s room to breathe and move, keeping your shoulders and neck open with soft foam rolling and gentle, opening shoulder stretches.
BREATHE FOR TVA ENGAGEMENT Breathing and your Transversus Breath Activation are next. Your TVA is anatomically connected to your pelvic floor, low back, and hip bones—learn more on this topic here. Breathing for TVA engagement is the real relief and stability you’re craving in those early weeks post-birth. Once your TVA begins to glide, it will support your body’s natural healing process, lending you better back support when sitting, feeding, and moving with your baby. They will also begin to spontaneously lift and support your pelvic floor muscles by holding the weight of your upper body so you are not collapsing your weight onto your pelvis.
HEAL YOUR SCAR TISSUE If you tore or had larger intervention like an episiotomy, the scar line needs time for healing. Depending on the degree of the tear, you’ll begin to feel your stitches dissolving, or visit your doctor to remove the stitches. At this point, you want to think about scar care. Similar to a c-section, the tissues need breath, relaxation, and functional re-education. Kegels are not the way to go for this. However, breath-based vaginal wall contractions are!
Want More? Here’s my go-to for educating your breath and isolating your transverses abs through breath-based exercises.
The RM Pelvic Corridor | Not a Kegel
Once you can breathe and engage your TVA, move your attention down to your vaginal wall. Breathe all the way in, as you begin to exhale you will contract just your vaginal wall as if you’re trying to squeeze a tampon. Once you begin your next inhale, relax your vaginal wall (without baring down) and repeat your exhale exercise. You’ll feel the vaginal wall begin to respond with contractions and releases better with each attempt.
Once you feel a general “yes,” you are going to evolve the contraction.
Imagine the contraction traveling even further up the birth canal to the center of your body behind your belly button. It’s like a continuous, internal tunnel of strength at the very center of your body—I call this the RM Pelvic Corridor. Anatomically speaking, we are co-contracting your pelvic floor, vaginal wall, and TVA for a functionally re-educated deep abdominal system that forms the foundation for ALL of your external muscles, from butt to inner thighs and six pack…this is where you start!
Incontinence is normal right after vaginal delivery. The above exercises, coupled with some pelvic floor PT, will result in achieving reliable bladder control (yes, even when jumping on a trampoline!). In some cases, the urethra sheath is injured or there can be subtle issues with visceral tissues and organ placement—all of these nuances can be looked at by a skilled pelvic PT and/or a Urogynecologist. But, please know you don’t have to just live with a lifelong incontinence.
Through the rehabilitative phase, you need to move daily, even just your breath-based pelvic corridor exercises and a little soft foam rolling. This is because you are working on neuro-strength repatterning. You are training muscles to activate when your brain tells your body to stand up, sit down, lie down, bounce, burp, feed, carry, and walk.The more frequently you work with these muscles, the more they will be strengthened in your daily mom-life and the better it will all feel.
Now, You Start To Thrive
Your entrance into motherhood was and is the opportunity of your lifetime to understand your body and inhabit yourself from the inside out. This is your time to develop a lifelong fitness habit that will carry you well beyond your early mom-years, into your great-grandma years! I am more mature, disciplined, and at-home in my skin than ever—I still LOVE a sweaty, endorphin pumping workout, I just cross-train better for it.
And, so can you! Check out what’s possible for you here.